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Funny Instagram captions
- When life throws you a burger 🍔, eat it!!
- I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
- Humor is just another defense against the universe.
- They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so are thunder and lighting.
- If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.
- We live in the era of Smart Phones and Stupid people.
- I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. :)
- I honestly don’t even understand my own feelings sometimes.
- I am not lazy, I am in energy saving mode.
- I hope when I get married we're the fun couple that hosts all the parties and that our house is the kick it spots for our kid's friends.
- Lost in the world🌏 that doesn’t exist.
- Some people need a HIGH-FIVE ✋, in the face with a chair.
- Today I will be as useless 😂as letter g in lasagna.
- I am a performing artist and an essayist and I co-made my breakfast and my child, Malachai.
- Real men don't take selfies.📸
- Friday, my second favorite F word
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- My goal this weekend is to move. . . Just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
- If life gives you lemons, 🍋just add vodka.🍺
- When I'm a Pedestrian I Hate cars... When I'm Driving I Hate Pedestrians.
- Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- Embed self-important stuff about myself here.
- I believe its unusual if a young👩 lady doesn't have an Instagram nowadays.
- Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
- Snakes don’t just hiss 🐍 anymore, nowadays they call you baby and best friend.💁
- Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Are you google? Cause you are all I'm searching for.
- My mobile camera isn’t working well. Or I might look like an angel.
- When Life Throws You A Curveball... Grab A Bat And Swing. ⚾
- Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity!
- Life is Short - Chat Fast!
- My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
- I'm here to evade companions on Facebook🙂
- I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
- The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight :)
- I'm multitasking. I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
- Weekend, please don't leave me.😊
- Onions make me sad😥. A lot of people don't realize that.☺
- Marriage is a workshop... where husband works & wife shops...
- I didn't choose the thug life, 😂the thug life chose me
- Laughing 😂at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
- At night, I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up.
- I speak two languages, Body and English.
- C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping :)
- Are you google? Cause you are all I'm searching for.
- Give me the chocolate 🍫🍫and nobody gets hurt.
- Hide the face & f**k the base.
- I love his life, whose a girl.
- The moment when she says you’re cute.
- If we could only turn back time…
- I got back with my Ex…Box 360
- Lost in the world that doesn’t exist.
- Today I will be as useless as letter g in lasagna.
- Do you sit in a pile of sugar? cause you got a pretty sweet ass!
- They say tongue is the strongest muscle of the body. Wanna fight?
- Did you swallow magnets? cause you are attractive!
- Kiss me if I’m wrong but Dinosaurs still exist? Right?
- Nice t-shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
- Do you have a name or can I call you Mine?
- Do you like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometimes!
- Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
- Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
- Do you live in a cornfield, coz I’m stalking you.
- Never do the same mistake twice, unless he’s hot!
- Enjoy at least one sunset per day! – Modern Family
- They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friends home!
- My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
- Friday, my second favourite F word.
- Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.
- If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
- They say: Do what you love and the money will come to you. Just ordered pizza, now I am waiting…
- Start somewhere.
- If you were looking for a sign, here it is.
- Better an ooops, than a what if.
- Life is too short for bad vibes.
- The world is changed by your example, not your opinion.
- We travel, some of us forever, to seek other places, other lives, other souls.
- Remember that happiness is a way of travel – not a destination.
- Be happy, it drives people crazy.
- No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.
- Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands – just like best friends!
- Another fine day ruined by responsibilities…
- I put the “Pro” in procrastinate.
- Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.
- You never know what you have until you have cleaned your house.
- njoy at least one sunset per day! – Modern Family
- They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friends home!
- My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
- Friday, my second favourite F word.
- Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.
- If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
- This seat is taken
- I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it
- I had fun once, it was horrible
- survived another “end of the world” scenario
- Girls be like…
- stop stop, I’m gunna pee
- Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
- Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star.
- Is I in trouble?
- I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
- It never rains during the weekend
- There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
- Oh, hi there!
- Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
- I will eat just one, I swear
- I liked memes before they were on Instagram
- if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a gingerbread man?
- If we could only turn back time…
- Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it
- I had fun once, it was horrible
- survived another “end of the world” scenario
- Girls be like…
- stop stop, I’m gunna pee
- Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
- Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star.
- Is I in trouble?
- I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
- Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
- Be happy in front of people who don’t like you “it kills them”.
- I'm not happy its "Friday" I'm happy its "Today". Love your life 7 days a week.😊☺
- I think you are lacking Vitamin me!👉👦
- The more one suffers, the more, I believe, has one a sense for the comic.
- In bed, it's 6 AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school it's 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31.
- You were my cup of tea.. But sorry darling now I drink coffee,😏
- Yesterday, I changed my WiFi 📶password to "Hackitifyoucan"; today, someone changed it to😂
- I would pose this, without posting on Instagram.
- You can't make up your mind 💀 Please don't waste my time. 😒
- I liked memes before they were on Instagram.
- Despite everything I don't comprehend Twitter, however here I am.
- There may be no excuse for laziness,🚶 but I'm still looking.
- When someone says you are changing. "yes, I've recently updated my version"
- Each tempest comes up short on downpour.
- What if I told you, you can eat🍔🍟 without posting it on Instagram.📱
- I will slap ✋ you so hard even google won't be able to find you...
- I know you look at my caption.
- Mess with me, I’ll let karma do its job. Mess with my family? I become karma.
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